IDIOT SIGHTINGS

The following compilation was sent to me by my son, who got if from someone else. Some are old, some are new, all are hilarious. As you read them, you must understand they walk among us.



FIRST IDIOT ... We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "No, it's not. Four is larger than two." We haven't used Sears repair since.



SECOND IDIOT ... My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.



THIRD IDIOT ... I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing." From Kingman , KS .



FOURTH IDIOT ... My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. From Kansas City KS



FIFTH IDIOT ... I was checking in at the airlines gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." Birmingham , Ala.



SIXTH IDIOT ... The stoplight on the corner pedestrian crossing buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was standing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What are blind people doing driving?!" She is a probation officer in Wichita , KS



SEVENTH IDIOT ... We were having a farewell luncheon for an old and dear co-worker, as she was forced to leave the company due to 'downsizing.' The office manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.



EIGHTH IDIOT ... I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her computer system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.



NINTH IDIOT ... When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic kneeled down outside the driver's side door, working feverishly to unlock it. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS .



TENTH IDIOT ... I was transferred from Hawaii to Florida, and picked up my car which had been shipped and still had Hawaiian plates. I drove to a well-known realtor's office to go apartment hunting. As I parked in their parking lot, a realtor met me as I got out of the car. He asked me "Wow, you drove all the way from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him and quickly said "Yep. I took the Hawaii-San Francisco Bridge ." He nodded and said "Cool!"



STAY ALERT! They walk among us, they vote, AND they reproduce.